Soda Pop Mafia

Coca-Cola and their team of PR monkeys are working hard to keep some secrets... secret.

They've always been ahead of the curve when it came to their marketing and advertising.

You remember Al Gore's, An Inconvenient Truth? He made the drowning polar bear famous.

Nope.

Coca-Cola used that same exact cartoon polar bear to push a beach ball with its nose and share one of their soft drinks with a young cub. Al Gore stole that idea... most likely while he was drinking... say it with me... a Coke.

American Idol's own, Paula Abdul, started off with Coke commercials. Then moved to American Idol and had to keep Coke right where everyone could see it.

And of course, there's Hollywood's favorite drug of choice, cocaine. When Coca-Cola was first made, COCAINE was an ingredient. No wonder it caught on.

Now they are being hit with charges of MURDER, RAPE, and TORTURE. Somehow I don't think the new commercial will be... Murder, Rape, and Torture... Always Coca-Cola.

This isn't the first time allegations like this have been made against them, but somehow I think they'll be alright.

• Paula Abdul has been drugged up and stuck carrying around their products with her ever since she did her first commercial.
• The polar bear must have tried to break ties and Coke decided to accelerate global warming to phase them out.
  
• Al Gore was elected President of the United States... w/o getting to be President of the United States.
• And people who use cocaine when it's not in Coca-Cola... well, they have trouble doing sexy times.

So am I a little worried when writing this... maybe a little. But if my head ends up floating in the Mississippi, my bones found in a pig pen, and my thumbs pop out of someone's Pepsi can... assume that someone from The Coca-Cola Life Sabotaging Squad has done away with me.

Oh, and make sure my Mom gets all of my My Coke Rewards Points... they shouldn't go to waste. Then she can get the duffel bag that she always wanted.